the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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