apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
