Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize