some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
