you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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