Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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