Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
