I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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