He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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