i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
