The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
