Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize