recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
