You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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