it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize