woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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