I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
