I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
