i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
