So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
