Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
