We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
