I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
