You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
