I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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