My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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