then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
