My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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