i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
