3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
