You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
