his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
