I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
