In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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