I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
