We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
