i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
