I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
