first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So here I am, sexting at work.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
