You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize