you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
