I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
