Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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