did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
