I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
