Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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