oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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