do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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