lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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