I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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