i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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