just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
