I'm gonna have a badass scar
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
