i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Randomize
