The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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