his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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