I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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