One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
