when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
