I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize