if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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