i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
