i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
