You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
