Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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