I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
