she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
