I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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