so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she told me i tasted like america
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
