this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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