I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
