honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
