I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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