his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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