I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
