just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
