i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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