Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
