He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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