He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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