White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
