Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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