Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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