Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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