Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
