wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
