i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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