No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
