Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize