while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
