My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
