you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize