Rock
Scissors
Fuck
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
