oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude i'm inner monologue high
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
